Akira's Preview Blog?

[AKAAkira]

Because again, I felt like asking for some feedback.
'Tis an excerpt the D.Gray-Man and Animorphs crossover that I mentioned in the other thread.

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Dead Means Gone, Chapter 2 excerpt

I dreamed I was dead. It wasn’t the relief I looked for.

In the dream, it wasn’t the gray wasteland or burning plains that I expected. In fact, if I’m seeing right, this is King’s Cross railway station that walked straight out of Harry Potter; old, worn, and rough brick supports; the assailing smell of smog; the sunshine filtering through the arched glass ceiling the way a Dome ship does.

There were some twenty-first century additions, too; a digital board that read 18:22:16 in white unrelenting light, with some smaller details projected in yellow; a concession stand specifically for Andalites, designed to produce as much food in as short a time possible, that had bits of either blood or ketchup splattered all around; and, to my right, right between the signs for platforms nine and ten, someone had put up a plaque reading “Platform 9 ¾” that made the wall so tempting to walk through.

“Why am I here?” I wondered out loud. And then I saw the bodies.

They were littered all around me. Human, Yeerk, Andalites, Hork-Bajir, and a few other species I didn’t recognize. Some of the faces flashed in my mind – Marco, Cassie, Ax, Toby, Mr. Chapman, Loren, and even the boy with white hair who tried to save me when he should’ve just let me die. I felt a brief stab of pity for him. If he hadn’t been so busy trying save a deservingly damned, he wouldn’t be here with me.

Weirdly enough, when I look down at my talons – feet – there I was, lying down in my human body. My body didn’t look dead – eyes and mouth closed, no damage on clothes, nothing to indicate that the boy was gone except for the paleness of his face and the fact he didn’t move at all.

I looked up.

Maybe I should’ve been scared when I saw the puppet imprisoning the soul of the girl I loved; it was dark, menacing, and somehow its spike of an arm was dripping blood onto the ground even though all of the bodies I’ve seen were untouched just like mine. But all I felt, really, was crippling guilt.

“I never wanted it like this. I just wanted to hold you again…”

Would she even hear me like this? I didn’t care. I just wanted to say it.

“I’m sorry.” I raised my hand…hesitated…and started moving to her. “Because of me…you’re trapped. Because of me…you’re being used. Just like how I was used, and discarded. Just like how the Ellimist used us, as his pawns.”

For whatever comfort it could give, I reached out and touched its face.

And it reacted instantly, plunging its spear into my torso.

Again.

And again, I found myself on the floor, staring at the floor that suddenly seemed too fluidly moving to describe in words. Blackness corroded my vision, sifting its way into the centre, as I wondered if it was possible for someone dead to die again.

All that while, the only thing that accompanied me in my descent to hell’s hell was the image of a top hat and a way too toothy grin. It wasn’t comforting at all.

Not at all…

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Chapter Two –

In the Script of a Pitiful Life

[AKAAkira]

Bumped to up the "activity count".
This one's a crossover between Mabinogi and Percy Jackson and the Olympians. The point of view is from Percy, a son of Poseidon, and they're located at Sidhe Sneachta at the moment. I already posted this on FFnet.
Just for the record, one of this chapter's titles is "I Hustle a Snowman for its Gold Earring".
Feedback would be nice.

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Gods Not My Own, Chapter 2 excerpt
"He w-wasn't-t k-k-k-kiddin'!" my teeth chattered out.

"Stop being such a baby!" Eiry ordered, that blasted little pixie. "Be a man! March! And let Annabeth borrow your sweater!"

I gave her the best scowl I could in the cold, glaring at that stupidly tiny fairy floating only a few centimeters in front of my face. She gave me back an equally, but definitely not greater, steely glare, chin jutted out and arms folded.

Unfortunately, she had one point right – Annabeth had only come along with a mostly white shirt that said "Euler the Ruler" on the back and "e^(iπ)=-1", which made no sense to me. What did "e" and "i" stand for? And then there was her worn jeans, the ones she didn't look like she minded but secretly told me she wanted the money to replace. They weren't in the best of conditions, having accumulated over a number of years holes ripped out by wear, tear, and Rachel Elizabeth Dare (the last one in the name of repairing a hobo's own pants – don't even ask).

Regardless, I didn't complain as I peeled off my all sea-blue hoodie, giving it to her, and she draped it around herself gratefully. And then she wrinkled her nose.

"Do you wear that every day?"

"H-h-huh? N-no, it w-was a g-g-g-g-g-" I swallowed. "G-gift from Rachel, rememb-b-ber? I t-take g-"

"No, not that! Your T-shirt!"

I looked down at my shirt, and realized it was my standard orange camp T-shirt. "Er…no? I just-t-t hap-p-pened to run out of shirts for the d-day…?"

"Every time I see you you're in that shirt." And then she went and sniffed the inside of my sweater.

"I d-d-doesn't-t smell!"

"Yes you do!" That was Eiry. "Do you realize how fishy you are?" And then she promptly fell on the ground laughing at her own wonderful hilarity, paying me no heed as both Annabeth and I stepped over her, proceeding deeper into the field.

"I don't-t actually s-s-smell, d-d-do I?"

"Don't worry, it actually smells nice." Annabeth rolled her eyes. "Boys…"

I kept silent this time. I think my face was red enough to knock the chattering out of my teeth. Annabeth didn't seem to notice.

She continued, "Percy, I think we should discuss the prophecy."

"Uuh," I managed to get out, nearly stumbling over the snow as it started to descend into a valley of - I squinted again - little more than more snow, with a snowman some distance away, resting alone in the snow like all of its friends had grown legs and ran away.

"We've already completed the first two lines of the prophecy. 'Stride into the silent stream of souls' means the Soul Stream where we met Nao, and 'To battle against monster and animal dolls' must mean the Fomors controlling the local wildlife – we did that too, killing the Gargoyles and the g-gi-gi-"

"Spiders," I supplied, "and they're not giant yet. At least, not in Erinn."

Annabeth shuddered again. "Yes, that. I don't think the battle part is over yet, though – we'll likely have to keep doing that during our stay here. Anyways, we got an idea of what to do at the end – 'Glimpse the wing of the evil crown/All to help a goddess not your own' would be referring to the dark god Cichol and the goddess Morrighan, respectively – wait, is this it?"

I stopped and turned to what Annabeth was looking at. It was the snowman. It had a shiny forehead.

Then as I got closer and I realized it was only shiny because there was something gold stuck there.

"It can't be this easy, can it?" I tapped the ring partly jutting out of the snowman's forehead obnoxiously and tried to pull it out. It didn't budge. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Sorry, snowman." I pulled my fist back and punched the snowman in the face.

Crack.

"Ow! Owowow!" That stupid thing hurt! And I was the one with the invincible knuckles! I shook my hand desperately, trying to ignore the unusual pain, even blowing it a few times before realizing it was already freezing, and Annabeth was watching. I just ignored her and plunged my hand into the snow, sighing contentedly as the pain cooled down. "That stupid thing feels like it's made of ice."

Annabeth looked around the ring carefully. "It is ice, and who knows if it's magical or not. We'll have to try something else."

I finally pulled my hand out of the snow, checking for injuries, of which there was none, luckily. I managed to get angry. Grabbing my sword, pointing it at the iceman, I growled, "Okay, that's it. Gimme the ring. Gimme the ring now. You want a hole in your head? Gimme the ring! I said, gimme the ring or I'll freaking pump metal into your stupid head now! Give it!"

"Percy," Annabeth said dryly, "I don't think the snowman has ears."

"Well, I had to try, didn't I?" And with no less pleasure than I deserved, Riptide descended on the offending iceman, cleaving half of his head straight off, into the air, and into a pine tree. "Crud."

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[AKAAkira]

Another preview. Haven't posted this one yet. Actually, I haven't actually completed the chapter yet, either. I'm almost there, though...
The scene should be recognizable. Did I get the feeling of camaraderie right? Did I take too much liberties?

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Advent of the Chosen, Chapter 6 excerpt
The fire cackles laughingly, a peaceful scene from the fighting she just participated in. it hadn’t been much of an exercise, but she still likes to take a break.

“A test. You’re here to take a test.”

Then again, there are still dweebs like him to deal with.

Mari glances up at the disbelieving face of the idiot – oh, sorry, Ruairi. “Yeah, that’s right! Stop need to being all high and mighty!”

“I’m not!” he protests. “It’s just...well...isn’t it kinda dangerous for a little girl? I mean, I trained in Emain Macha for the last few years, Tarlach was apprenticed to Mores for the first half of his life, and we both survived in the wild for a few months, but you –”

“I learned from Ranald. Do you still think I shouldn’t fight?”

“Um...yeah?”

Mari angrily notches an arrow.

“Wait, Mari,” the third member of the party said, moving slightly and adjusting the neck of his orange-red robe so that it let more air through. His face is clam, but Mari can hear a lot of mirth in his voice. “We haven’t completed this trip, so you shouldn’t completely unleash your frustration on Ruairi yet.”

“Yet?” the auburn haired warrior squeaks.

Mari puts her special bow, a birthday present from her grandfather Duncan, to rest again. Her pinkish hair gets in her eyes, so she takes off the loose blue wool threading her hair, retying her ponytail as she speaks. “But he’s such a wimp! The jerko nearly wet his pants just from seeing the spiders. And they’re only knee high! He’s only going to trip up on our way through!”

“Hey, we just got here after being swamped by these endless waves of wolves...” Mari tunes the words out, untying her thread and trying again, this time attempting to take in more of the bangs that irritates her eyes and frames her cheeks. Each try stubbornly resists bending to her will, and in frustration she gives up just when Ruairi says, “...sure you’re from around here?”

It takes a moment for Mari to realize he is talking to her, and when she does, she gives him an annoyed glare. “I’ve been around for a long time, remember? Of course I know everything that goes on here. That includes the spiders and the goblins and yes, the wolves.” Mari frowns. More quietly, she adds, “But not my parents. I wish I could remember them.”

“Huh? What happened to ’em?”

“I don’t know. Duncan said he’ll tell me when I’m strong. But he never said if they’re still alive.”

“Doesn’t that mean they’re already gone when you’re a kid?”

Mari snaps, “What would you know?”

Ruairi winces.

“I just don’t know. Sometimes I think they’ve been gone for all ten years. Other times I can just feel their faces when I close my eyes…and then they get lighter and clearer and I’m looking and squinting…and then poof.” Mari sighs. “And I feel like there’s a hole in my memory. Actually, I feel like there’s lots of holes in my memory – like my birthday.”

This causes the blond’s eyes to move to her. “Amnesia? However, where did you receive such…?”

The archer scratches her ponytail nervously; it is starting to itch again. “I don’t know. It’s been around for a pretty long time. At least as long as I lived. The first thing I remember not renemder – renemebering –” Mari winces at the stumbles. “Remembering is the faces of the two people who brought me back to my house when I was young…well, if I’m remembering what I’m not renenbering right.”

Tarlach is silent for a moment. A moment later, he says, “Would this be something you are interested in finding out?”

“Can you?”

“I do not know, but I can try and search for abnormalities with mana eyes.”
Mari has no idea what that is, but nods anyways. No surprise she trusts him; he’s so much nicer than that blabbering idiot Ruairi!

A fuzzy feeling, by no means uncomfortable or unpleasant, washes over her – this must be the sign that he’s looking for something with magic. A moment later, he speaks up. “I believe your memories been sealed by magic, as I detect traces of erg swirling peculiarly around your head – it is very similar to how my master does his own memory binding spells. I do not think I can remove it without closer inspection and a heavy amount of research, however – although, that is assuming you wish to remove it.”

“Well...if you can’t do it, I’ll wait. I do want it gone though.”

Tarlach chuckles handsomely. “Well, sometimes I think memory loss is fairly convenient, particularly on the painful memories.”

Ruairi butts in. “Like your sister that got offed by a Fomor?”

Mari’s hand immediately darts to a pocket of her Archeress School Wear for a dagger, except when she finds empty air she remembers she had to surrender it to Ranald before she took the test. Instead she uses her third-best weapon: a cold scowl. “Ruairi! Watch your rudeness!”

“It is all right,” Tarlach graciously interrupts, “that is the truth. I will miss her, but I have already accepted her death.”

“Was she pretty?” Mari asks.

Tarlach takes something out of his pocket. A moment later Mari realizes it is a locket. He flips open the cover and Mari, taking it as an invitation, peeks inside. She gasps at the sight…and, with a slight blush, realizes she feels a little jealous. “Wow! She’s this beautiful?”

“Even more than the portrait can show,” Tarlach says fondly, putting the locket back in his robe’s pocket. “She’s the best sister I could have had. It is for her memory that I am searching for Tir Na Nog along with Ruairi.”

“Ha! And when that time rolls around, I’ll be powerful enough to trash all the monster by myself!”

“Brute,” Mari mutters.

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[AKAAkira]

A burst of inspiration to type made me finish this chapter recently.
Though I would still really really like critique. It's hard to estimate my standing without two reference points.
This section's from Chapter Three of Gods Not My Own, again from Percy Jackson's point of view.
Incidently, anyone here really been tricked by Tracy the first time they contacted him?

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Gods Not My Own, Chapter Three excerpt
The logging camp was dim, and somewhat musty smelling. There were lots of benches, tables, and chopped roots of trees with axes stuck in their middle. Surprisingly, the most noise I could hear was crickets – or some kind of insects – chirping. There was some kind of emptiness here, for some reason – oh, well, obviously it was the lack of humans. There weren’t any kind of activity that I could associate with a productive forestry encampment – did everyone leave for the afternoon? I had to wonder.

“Percy, Tracy’s over here!” Annabeth’s voice called.

Wow, that was quick. I glanced around, and through the clearing I found a really thick tree – the biggest around I reckon. Annabeth and her black T-shirt was clearly visible. I started up a run.

And then I stopped.

No way that was Tracy. The person that a considerably more cheerful Annabeth was standing by was clearly a lumberjack. His tanned skin showed weeks – years, maybe – of standing underneath the sun, shouting orders through his cracked lips above his shaggy brown beard. He had on a cap that he adjusted when he saw me, and then he grinned. “Welcome to Dugald Aisle’s logging camp, adventurers!” he guffawed. It looked like he was…trying to hold back a laugh.

Oh dear. I could tell what was coming.

“Received my letter, have ya? Great, c’mon and lend a hand this helpless boy!”

“You’re a guy.”

“Tracy” swung his head back and laughed. “Gwahaha! Ya, that’s right! Not too disappointed, are ya, m’pretty boy?”

I shuddered. “Don’t call me that. Please.”

“Do you do this all the time?” Annabeth asked amusedly, as if the idea of a male Sasquatch masquerading as Princess Peach didn’t crank up her disgust scale up to ten. I shuddered again.

“Aye! I’ve built an art of this, if I might say so myself. Borrowed my wife’s perfume a few, practiced handwriting, and I always keep a stack of Eluned’s Royal Parchment with me. That’s what them high-class ladies use, they do.” Tracy gave a wicked grin. “In fact, I also buy my own lipstick! Those vendors always let me when I say them’s for my wife, and little do they know I smear them over my grizzly face and smooch it myself onto my hearty appeals! Gwahahah!”

Annabeth laughed along with him, though I was still not amused. “Isn’t there some kind of law against impersonation? This has to be creepy enough for that.”

“Those kinds of laws are only for impersonating people in power,” Annabeth corrected me.

At the same time: “I ain’t impersonating anyone but myself! Ya’s own fault ya didn’t look close enough. Know what my men said the first time they saw me? They said I was breathing too much in my kissy-kissy! Said they could smell my breath clear across camp!”

And yet again, Tracy threw back his head and let out bone-trembling laughter, while I pinched the corner of the letter in the envelope and gingerly held it up. To my horror, now that I smelled it, behind the transparent perfume it absolutely reeked of alcohol, chicken, cigar, and rotten wood. What the rotten wood was doing in his mouth to leave a stink with a kiss, I didn’t want to know, and I just let go of the letter on the spot, though Annabeth deftly snatched it out of the air.

“Don’t be rude,” she chided with a grin, actually opting to stuff it inside her new pouch.

I only rolled my eyes. “Well, since I’ve just had my faith in Eluned’s Royal Parchment heavily abused, see you later Tracy.”

“Whoa, hold it m’pretty!”

“Don’t call me that!”

“No offense boy. But ain’t ya still gonna help?”

I scowled. “With what? We just got through your prank of the day, and unlike Annabeth I’m not going to help you put on lipstick and make out with alcohol-stinking letters.”

“I’m insulted you think I ever intended to,” Annabeth said with a grin.

“And I’ll never ask you to,” Tracy said. “That right belongs to your ladyship truly. Gwahaha!”

My throat itched. I tried to hold back a barf, but if he plays like that one more time…
“But listen well. My voice may be fake, but my requests are always genuine. Help doesn’t come often to these parts anymore. Those two –” and here he gestured to the left, towards two pre-teens dressed in overalls, one with long blond hair and one with short black hair, talking casually with each other – “are the only hired hands with me at the moment, with no more expected for a few months – years, maybe. So any adventurer wander into these parts, I commission right away. Have a reputation to maintain, see?”

“A reputation of stealing a woman’s perfume?”

“Borrowing. And no, to maintain quality, reliability, and workplace safety.”

“By stealing perfume.”

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[PvtYeza]

This may be a stupid question but
wheres chapter 1?

[AKAAkira]

Now that I look at it again, I really haven't explained, have I. Haha!
They're all excerpts, and from different stories too. None of the passages are a complete chapter, either. They're just "previews", after all. The whole things can be found under my FanFiction.net account, same username.

[PvtYeza]

Oh these were previews! owo
I actually didnt have enought time to read through it yet so yah, I thought they were one whole story, well when i get some more free time ill read through it.

[AKAAkira]

Liar! You so had the time! You spent thirty minutes+ on the forum after this and you even said in the Corrupt Wishes thread that you wish you weren't so bored! Ehehe.
Lezzsee...Imma put up...

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The Fatal Flaw of God, Chapter 3 Excerpt
Overlady Dark was easily the most noticeable demon of the group – like Sonia had said, she was one of the few with no horns, though now that I had a closer look now, I did notice slight stumps just above her temple area. She was also heavily scarred, and as I noticed before, bald, like the muzzle of a battle-addicted lion. Her skin was still eerily pale, her eyes still sunken in to the point of nonexistence, and now I noticed that her lips were excessively thin, so that when she opened her mouth the entirety of her teeth showed, which was really creepy because she never had a grin on her face. She had no runes on her; every other demon had some mark on them, whether on their faces or the hands poking out of their cloaks. Lastly, she was the one shouting at the top of her lungs; everyone else were simply listening and carrying out the orders.

“–the feedback, now, the toolboxes indicates reinforcements are two hours, MAX! It’s that retarded goddess’ fault, get her into the six-o’-clock route, use whatever distractions she has! Damn it all, the second advance unit’s already been wiped out, start packing up! It’s a freaking eighty percent complete, and Pyramid’s estimated at two weeks, we need the resources coming in faster! Sonic, you dumb, slow – WHAT IN HELL WERE YOU SMOKING DRAGGING THE POWS IN HERE?”

“You said we weren’t prisoners of war anymore,” I muttered quietly.

“You’re not,” Sonia said brightly. “She just likes calling you that.”

“You – you – this is a highly confidential area! Two stars or above, get that in your freaking head, and GET THEM OUT!”

“We’ll only just take a moment,” I interrupted. I noticed that everyone had stopped moving, and was staring at me. I wondered, was it because of the effect of my status as the God of Conquest? I was almost flattered, but then again, God doesn’t need flattery. “Overlady Dark, since Overlady Sonic already knows, am I right in assuming you should know how we came here, too?”

“Who doesn’t?” a demon muttered.

“Shut up!” Docrow snapped. To me: “What you want is your affair, and yours only. We are fighting a war here, and we intend to do so without needing to babysit children!” Then to Sonia, “Stop encouraging him! And stop being so damn intimate with the boy!”

I said sharply, “We came here with four other goddesses, too. Goddesses that we were separated from. I can’t believe you don’t want to search for them.”

“Four more near-powerless goddesses have nothing to give us. They’re a waste of time to recruit!”

“Keima,” Haqua whispered, “you can’t be thinking of letting the new goddesses interfere with this war–”

“That’s not what I meant,” I stated softly, ignoring Haqua. “I’m just saying it’s mutually beneficial for us if you conduct your tests now. For your goddess research, I mean. Am I right, Overlady?”

Silence crashed down. A lot of demons suddenly looked surprised at the very idea of their leader, for once, being quiet. The rest had stricken looks on their faces, and were fearfully staring into whatever was in their hands like it might flash a “Game Over” screen.

“Huh,” Sonia said, for once sounding fully alert.

So I was right.

And then a hand crashed into my neck, making me choke out. Docrow had moved so quickly, all that I saw was a blur. Even worse, in the span of another second she lifted me high – then higher – and now we were dangling about thirty metres from the ground. Thoughtlessly, I tried to reach down with my feet, but that just made the pain on my neck even worse.

Then a wave of pure fury exploded from the demon, snapping my head back from the magical manifestation it caused. If I wasn’t frightened before, I was now; I could no longer be sure if Docrow will restrain from killing me until I had a chance to talk.

“Where did you hear that, human?”

“Guh – buh – argh –”

She didn’t let go. My vision started distorting, then blacking. I got desperate. “Geh – di –”

In the same instant, two hands wrapped around Docrow’s in a steely grip, making her hold ever so slightly looser.

“Docrow,” Sonia said, her voice back to its drowsy but affectionate tone, “seeing as we’re emulating humans, it probably doesn’t make sense to try to kill a human guest.”

The other hand belonged to the weird Mars. “Special human. Great destiny. Do not harm him.”

Wait, what?

When Docrow didn’t let go, Mars said sharply, “You said it. No display of power. But now Nox knows. Hypocrite.”

Docrow growled, and then let go.

My stomach plummeted, but luckily Sonia stopped my body from following by grabbing me under my arms. “Yeah, next time? Try not to blurt out sensitive information around the rest of the army, please?”

“Keima!” I heard Haqua call, and with a glance down, I saw her rising skyward through the hole in the tent we had just been in. “Are you all right?”

“Nevermind that,” I wearily said, and then glanced up at Docrow. “Are you going to use your goddess detection machine or not?”

“Goddess detection –?” Haqua began to ask.

“Explanation,” Docrow hissed venomously, and I got the sense that she could kill me on the spot if she wanted.

I touched my first explosive collar. I wondered if it would spare me if I told her that a demon’s life was tied to mine. The answer was, I didn’t know. That card was no longer something I should risk, at least not here. Besides, we needed to find the goddesses at any cost.

“In our time, we encountered a group called Vintage. They were a radical group stuck to the Old He – er, Nox dictatorship ideals. To do so, they infiltrated Hell’s enforcement sectors and attempted to kill the goddesses when they showed up on Earth again. This was made possible by Nox…brand, magic, and more importantly, a small-range device that detected a goddess’ presence.” I hesitated, weighing my choices. I didn’t really want to reveal the future, especially not after berating Haqua earlier, but there was no way Docrow would trust me without it. “Something they had to get from New Hell, because the Nox dictatorship was destroyed at that point.”

Sonia was almost looking amused. Docrow’s face was stoic, but I couldn’t read anything more. (She was pretty much a skull, after all.) Mars’ expression was also indiscernible…but what it only my imagination, that she looked somewhat murderous?

“But why this time period?” Haqua protested. “I mean, what makes you so certain that the technology was developed in this war? Even in demon time, technology three hundred years old is outdated –”

“Haqua, even you have never heard of goddesses until Diana made herself known; therefore, this war must be the last time that Hell had contact with heavenly beings until present day. The technology could only have been developed in this war, or even farther in the past, while there were still tests they could carry out to make sure it was working.” I glanced back at Docrow. “Besides, her reaction made it pretty clear that they were definitely working on something goddess-related. It’s turned into a question of what they’re developing, not if.”

Still, strangling me over it was a tad of an overreaction. But then again, I had no idea what this demon was capable of.

Mars turned back to Docrow. “Truth,” she stated simply.

Docrow didn’t respond. Sonia did: “Yup, we were researching ways of detecting goddesses. Before you ask, it was for morale; our people were getting desperate, it woulda been nice to have a heads-up on whether a goddess was even coming our way. Of course, it wasn’t much use when you only showed up today and our prototype sensors didn’t so much as whistle.”

I gave a start. “Mars only arrived earlier today? I assumed she had been here a while.”

Mars grimaced. “No. We wanted to help. Father opposed us. I disliked it. Broke out. Left sisters in Heaven.”

Huh. So only Mars was currently in Hell (aside from the goddesses from the future).

“In the interest of gaining your trust,” Sonia continued, “I’ll also admit that we were developing some anti-heaven weaponry in case the deities were against our cause. Unlikely, but we had to be prepared for all possibilities. Most of the heaven research was done in secret, though. So, what would you like us to do with them?”

Sonia had posed the question casually, like she was asking for directions to the local video game store. Mars absorbed it with equally little indication of significance, or so I thought until she calmly said, “Destroy. Sisters will not be harmed.”

“No,” I refuted.

Everyone looked at me.

“At least, don’t do anything to the detector. We still need it to find the others.”

Haqua added, “A-and, if it’s gone, who knows how the future will be changed?”

Mars mulled it over for a moment, then nodded. “Very well. Finish detector. Allow its use. Then destroy.”

“No.” This time, it was Docrow who spoke. She addressed to me, “I refuse to trust you, human. In the midst of our campaign against Nox, you and a ragtag group of non-mortals have appeared and caused ripples that could be felt all over New Hell Society. You have upset our serene progression, and the only thing you gave–”

“‘Serene’?” I repeated.

At the same time, Sonia snorted. “Yeah, a progression – to losing.”

“Shut up!” Docrow rasped. “My point is this, human – you gave only empty words! Uncertain assurances as to who will win the war! But you gave nothing concrete! You have caused a disturbance, with nothing to give for the troubles. Until you do, I refuse to help you in any way!”

“What troubles?” I asked exasperatedly. “Nearly revealed a secret, which was an accident. Had treatment for shock, which anyone might get from being chucked through the past. Got kissed, which was completely Sonia’s fault.”

“Hey, watch it. I could drop you, you know.” I knew from her tone that Sonia was joking.

Docrow said, “And they were all troubles. Because of you, our relationship to Heaven has been strained. Because of you, we wasted valuable supplies and personnel on your medical care. Because of you, our army now has six hundred distracted warriors who all suddenly want a turn to kiss you.”

“…Wait, WHAT?” I yelled. Behind me, Haqua sighed almost exasperatedly.

“Never you mind! Be glad all we ask, despite your meddling, is a simple exchange! You help us, we help you. So make your soothings into reality. Work up to them.”

My jaw dropped. Was she being serious?

“I will allow you our research’s usage only when you and your companions contribute to victory in this war and after the defeat of Nox!”

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Feedback, please?

[PvtYeza]

yes i am a liar, got a problem with that, and if u read about that why dont u just post and say that i loose my boredom by reading ur stories for the rest of my life, it is a currupted wish isnt it?
also the reason im bored is because i cant be bothered reading at that time

feedbak...
i liked the Gods not my own story
the others, unless i read the chapters prior/before id probably not get anything
any other feedback u need?

[AKAAkira]

I don't post in games I'm not involved in, heh. You're not the only one lazy! ...Which is probably not a thing to be proud of, but eh.

Any and all feedback would be helpful, but I'm not gonna push. What you gave was a very helpful starter. Thank you.